Kink and BDSM Counseling

Kink and BDSM have the potential to be wonderful, beautiful, and therapeutic tools of expression. The kink and BDSM counseling I offer aims to create a space of education, validation, and resources to live a healthy thriving kinky life!

A Kink is a bend or twist in something that is usually perceived as being straight and narrow.

“Kink” is a general term that refers to sexual desires that are considered by society to be outside the norms that go beyond the confines of traditional or “vanilla” sexuality.

BDSM stands for Bondage and Discipline/Dominance and Sadism/Submission and Masochism.

People participating in BDSM and Kink are very common, it is estimated that anywhere between 10-50% of the population engage in some form of Kink or BDSM(1).

It is likely that far more folks engage in BDSM or Kink but fear discussing it because of stigmatization as a result of social and medical beliefs. The Diagnostics and Statistical Manual (DSM) is a tool medical professionals, psychiatrists, psychologists, and other mental health providers use to diagnose physical and mental health conditions. It was not until the most recent updated version of the DSM-5 in 2013 that differentiated between consensual and non-consensual BDSM.

While these experiences may be considered taboo by some, that doesn’t mean they are wrong.Kink and BDSM have long been practiced and mentioned throughout human history. Consensual Kink and BDSM are healthy expressions of sexuality and connection.

Like sexuality Kink and BDSM is a spectrum and where we identify on the spectrum from lighter to harder forms of play. Where we identify on the spectrum can change as we grow, learn, and change and may change based on the people we are engaging with. 

All kinks are valid provided they are consensually participated in by all persons involved.

I am a Kink knowledgeable counseling and I believe kink and BDSM are health expressions of sexuality and connection!

Some of the topics or challenges I have seen and supported folks with include:

  • Coming Out to oneself, partner, or others.
  • Using Kink or BDSM as a form of therapeutic expression
  • Improving negotiation and communication skills
  • Guilt, discomfort or fear related to boundary setting, crossing someone’s boundaries, and boundary erasure
  • Identifying and recovering from abuse in the context of kink and D/s
  • Understanding and setting limits
  • Navigating multiple play partners and relationships.
  • Processing and working through experiences of shame, stigma, and pathologization
  • Exploring discomfort with ones BDSM identity
  • Fear of not being able to find compatible partners
  • Gaining insights into ones sexual interests or dynamics that would be satisfying.
  • Sharing BDSM community after breakups.

Safer kink frameworks I use:

  • Safe Sane and Consensual (SSC)
  • Risk Aware Consensual Kink (RACK)
  • Personal Responsibility Informed Consensual Kink (PRICK)

I provide kink and BDSM counseling to individuals and small groups (play partners, families of all types, and similar small gatherings) in counseling sessions by fostering a safer space to share challenges and concerns to support everyone in feeling seen and heard. For all those interested in building a therapeutic alliance together I offer a free initial session. The aim of the initial session is for us to get to know one another, go over the way I work with folks  and answer any questions you have.  Book an initial session here!

I recently recorded a Prevent Resist Support podcast episode hosted by Anne from the University of Windsor’s Office of Sexual Violence. Anne and I had a wonderful conversation about BDSM and consent! We offer a discussion on BDSM 101, consent, red flags, and so much more!

You can listen on Spotify


Resource:
(1) V. Coppens, S. Ten Brink, W. Huys, E. Fransen & M. Morrens (2020) A Survey on BDSM-related Activities: BDSM Experience Correlates with Age of First Exposure, Interest Profile, and Role Identity, The Journal of Sex Research, 57:1, 129-136, DOI: 10.1080/00224499.2018.1558437